I need to cry, but I can't ...

p.s. I do have stress, I don't want to go to work tomorrow. I have a feeling that sth bad will happen. I need to talk to my mom, but it's 5am in Iran ....

پ.ن. میلرزم اما گریه نمی کنم، میخواستم پیش مامانم بودم، همین ..... 

پ.ن. دیروز اولین روزی بود که من تنهایی رانندگی کردم، یه جورایی خدا رحم کرد که تصادف نشد!

امروز اولین روز سال ۲۰۱۲ و تنها حسی که من دارم تنفر از همه آدم ها و زندگی و بیشتر از همه از خودم هست ،،،

خدا! اگه وجود داری بشنو:‌ بریدم از زندگی 

توی یه روز معمولی یکی از همکارات برای شب سال تو دعوتت می کنه بیرون ، یکی دیگه از شعبه اتاوا زنگ می زنه می گه اسمت خیلی قشنگه! معنیش چیه!

پ.ن. از مزایای زندگی تو کانادا اینه دو بار سال نو می شه!!! 

پ.ن. دردم غربت نیست، دردم اون تنهایی است که ایران هم که بودم داشتم، دردی که دیگه خسته ام کرده ....

enghadr delam gerefte ke has nadare, delam mihad bache besham, bargardam be ruzai ke ba Pedram mishestim barname kudak mididim, be ruzai ke be nazaram adamai ke daneshgah miraftan kheili bozorg budan, be ruzai ke be jaye didan e film haye falsafi kartonhaye takhayoli mididm mesle khanevade dr.Ernest, judy aboot va fekr mikardim age bozorg beshim mahammesleuna mishim. mesle hameye admaye tuye kartona khsohbakht mishim. hichki bemooon nagoft ke vaghti 25 salet shod taze miresi be jaye sakhte zendegit. momkene hichkasi tuzendegit nabashe ke dustesh dashte bashi, tuye ye keshvar bashi ke az khanevadat dur bashi ba ye alame adam ke hata nemituni bashun ertebat bargharar koni. delam gerefte, khaste shodam , sardard daram, ye kalam boridam ..........

p.s. neshestam daram " bacehaye madrese valt" mibinam o gerye mikonam, chon mibinam baram digeh un jazabiat ro nadare, mibinam tuye zehnam 100 ta fekre o daram be khodam fohsh midam ke daram vaghtam o talaf mikonam, chon midunam tuye donya hich jai mesle un madrese vojud nadare, chon 25 salam o midunam zendegi ni nist ke tu bachegi fer mikardim ....

4 years ago, a cold day in November listening to the "shape of my heart"

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you: Have you ever read its lyrics?

me: No!

you: I love it, I believe in it ...

4 hours later I was reading the lyrics and crying like a baby ....

Today, a very cold day in November, listing to "shape of my heart"

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I'm going to Sting`s Concert tomorrow and I know that he will sing this song tomorrow. I haven't listened to this song in 3 years, cause it was always yours. Now, we are in two different continent, two different life. I don`t even cry right now, because I'm happy with my life.

I've just started to think what could have happened if we were still together? Was I still going to his concert tomorrow? or have ever gone to his concert in these years?!

gahi neshasti, negat miofte be mobl o ye an shabahe mamanet o mibini ke neshaste, sedat mikone o ba ham harf mizanin mesle ghadim. un vaghte ke ashket bi ekhtiar mirize vahichi nemitune jelosho begire ...

p.s. gahi hame chi khube, sare kar, zendegi ama yeho delet tang mishe. shukhi nist mamaname , mifahmiin, 2 mahe nadidamesh, daram degh mikonam ....